Men are like wild horses; they
scare easy. There are lots of things women do that can set blokes off at a
gallop, but luckily the man whisperer is here to help. Relationship expert Kate
Taylor reveals the top five frights you might be giving men and how to avoid
them.
Insta-coupling
Women often say that men are
scared of commitment. They’re not! What they’re scared of is commitment too
soon, and too soon, simply means before he’s thought of it himself. You can’t
be the one leading the way when it comes to anything like spending more time
together, becoming exclusive, moving in our getting married.
All you can do is set your own
personal time limit and then quietly leave when it’s time to get out.
This starts right from the
beginning. When you meet a new man, never make the mistake of letting him feel you have a boyfriend-shaped vacancy in your life that he can just hop straight
into. Don’t start calling to say, “Hello” and “Goodnight” everyday, or
immediately start inviting him along to all your plans.
It’s not flattering him; he wants
to feel he has to win you over by his sheer amazingness. Let him feel your life
is full and fulfilling already - and it’s not, slap yourself and go get busy -
and that he has to create a boyfriend vacancy by himself, by thinking of ways
to please you.
Insecurity
The first three months of a
relationship should be easy and fun, happy and light-hearted. It’s not the time
to tell him your thighs are completely different sizes, you’ve always hated your
hands and that can’t get through a day at work without crying. We’re all
insecure but your boyfriend is not the place to seek comfort and reassurance in
the early stages. To understand this, you have to realize that men and women
bond in different ways.
Men only tell problems to one
another when they’re looking for solutions – we do it as a way to break the
ice. If you confess everything you secretly dislike about yourself to a new
man, he’ll assume you want him to “fix’ it all and feel overwhelmed. He’ll
start thinking, “Wow – this girl seems to have a lot of stuff going on at the
moment. I can’t cope with all this, I have my stuff too”. Instead, act as if
you truly like yourself.
Be too nice
“Whatever you want!” “I don’t mind
which film we watch!””I’ll have what you’re having!” When a woman really likes
a man, she sometimes stops voicing her opinions and begins blending into his
world as much as she can, to keep his approval. (This often happens after
nookie). Instead of being the sassy, independent-thinker her man originally
fell in love with, the girl begins to run away from everything she likes, and
turn towards his interests instead.
She swaps her TV dramas for sports shows,
wears the clothes he likes her in and forgets all her hobbies because HE has
become her main hobby. Attractive? So, so not. Turning yourself into his
Mini-Me will take all the fun out of the relationship. You’ll lose confidence,
stop pursuing your goals and he’ll start distrusting you – if he doesn’t know
when you’re unhappy, he won’t know when you’re happy. Keep your spicy edge. If he
teases you about watching ‘Come dine with reality tattooed brides’ every week,
ignore him - and keep watching it. He wants
to date an equal.
Try to make him jealous
Occasionally, if you feel your
man is losing interest in you, you might feel tempted to make him a little bit
jealous. Should you give in to this temptation? Very, very cautiously. Truth is,
if a man loves you, he will automatically feel you’re pursued by other men all
the time. He’ll think you’re so beautiful that you can’t get on a bus without men
circling your seat like slavering wolves.
So if you bring this to his
attention too obviously, he will think, “What’s she really trying to tell me
here?” He’ll see it as a game and it’ll irritate him. Imagine how you’d feel if
he came home from work saying, “Woah – the new PA just couldn’t keep her eyes
off me today!” Instead, just look your very best and keep your life as happy
and busy as possible. Occasionally be busy at weekends.
Keep going out with the girls. Keep
working-out at the gym. Go away on holiday without him sometimes. Take every opportunity
to meet new people. Keep putting yourself in places where he’ll worry you’ll
meet someone better than him and he’ll keep on his best behavior around you.
Over-reacting
Men like a spirited, strong
woman, that’s for sure. But they see “strong” in a very specific way. To men, a
strong woman is not the girl who shouts at him every time he looks at another
woman, let’s rips when he comes home late or lectures him on how he’s let her
down. A real sign of strength is poise- don’t let him see that he gets to you. He’ll
be far more concerned about losing you if you calmly and briefly tell him what’s
wrong and say you will see him again when he’s fixed it (then leave him alone) than if you yell and
threaten and cry but remain right by his side. If you keep reacting
emotionally, he’ll see you as out-of-control and weak and he’ll retreat. At all
times, keep your eyes focused on your goals in life aside him from him.
Work,
work out, and see your friends. Do this even when you want to be with him all
the time – do it especially when you want to be with him all day. Keep your
lives moving. Give him space and freedom naturally by being happy in your own
skin whether he’s there or not. That’s when you’ll frighten him in the best way
– that one day you might disappear – and he’ll work to secure you forever.
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